Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Younger Girls vs. Older Guys

DISCLAIMER: If you are uptight and make it a practice to misinterpret articles on the internet as being truth and making assumptions about the author and/or his personality/morals in relation to this purely for entertainment value based journal entry, then please close this blog and return to knitting your quilt. Thank you.
In my few years of being a legal "adult" I have encountered on many occassions a problem that I feel should be addressed.

Why can't the laws be shifted so that people 21 yrs and under be able to [insert verb here]
people 15 yrs and older? Now let me clarify that for you. When I say people 21 yrs and under, I'm refering to guys. More specifically, me. When I say people 15 yrs and older, I'm refering to girls. More specifically, teeny bopper hoes. Catch my drift? Ok, now heres why I think so:

1. Everyone is doing it.

That's right, peer pressure. If everyone is doing it, then you might as well make it legal. The over crowding of jails is a very important issue in America today, especially since the news of Britney Spears coming back to music. It is then our obligation to change these laws so that the young men of our country won't have to fret about being caught and turned into someones prison bride. It is for this reason that I practice the "drop and cover" move when I'm in the shower, so that one day, if needed, I will be prepared. ("Drop the soap, cover the ass")

2. Girls WANT older guys

Putting a college guy in a highschool is like throwing raw meat into a lions den. It's like they've got a built in radar or a 7th sense.(the 6th being the ability to smell bullshit) The only thing that holds them back is the damn soccer mom law makers who think its "within their daughters best interest." They think they know us. They say that we think about sex every 5 seconds or so, well I've got news for you, we've gotta sleep sometime!

3. It's in our heratige!

If Frank Sinatra and Elvis can bang 15 & 16 year old girls then by golly so can I. Pre WWII there was no such thing as a 'teenager'. Boys were suddenly men as they climbed the mount of their 13th birthdays. Girls were now women and getting married at the age of 14. I say we return to our roots and re-capture the innocence of that era by eliminating the age limit laws.

4. It will prepare them for thier future.

Everyone knows that if you want to be good at something, you have to have a teacher. Take Yoda and Luke for example. Where would Luke be if it weren't for his master Yoda? Well he'd probley be a douche bag fairy boy with no balls going after some girl who was ugly as the previously stated imaginary balls. Wait, thats actually how the story goes. Bad example. What I'm trying to say is, is that we need to think about our young daughters futures! We want them to succeed in life don't we? We don't want them to be losers do we? No! Ok then, so we agree that dating/fooling around with older guys is necessary in their teenage development.

So! I must urge you to consider the said arguement and perhaps write a strongly worded letter to your local congressman. Thank you, thank you very much.

This article may have been based on real events. (But not likely)


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