Wednesday, March 29, 2006

5 Reasons Girls Shouldn't Shave Their Legs

DISCLAIMER: The following article in no way represents the authors views on women, their appearence, beliefs, morals, or their supposed "rights". (kidding!) This article is for entertainment purposes only and should be taken as such. I love you.
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1. Ingrown Hairs

If you like ingrown hairs, raise your hand. I personally have never experienced the pleasure of having an ingrown hair burrowing beneath the skin on my leg, but I hear they're devine. No really, common shaving methods often hurt or irritate the hair follicle, resulting in a hair uprising. Both in the sense of growing upwards, and as in, revolting against a higher power. YOU. Consider Exhibit 1 as you ponder the topic at hand:

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2. Rape

Rape is a sad thing that, believe it or not, still happens today. As they teach in the women's groups, rape can be prevented IF you are prepared. So the next time the guy in the shiny metallic short sleeve shirt starts eye balling you at your local club hot spot, just hike up your leg on the bar and give him a taste of his own medicine. Hair medicine that is. But really, what guy is going to rape you if you have more hair on your legs than he does?

In a recent poll of guys aged 18-21, a staggering 100 percent say that they would rather sleep naked in a bed with R.Kelly than to rape a girl with bear legs.

I made a bar graph of the poll results:

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3. Objectifying

Strong women throughout the world (when I say 'world', I mean the USA and when I say 'strong' I mean lesbians) have fought hard (when I say 'fought', I mean held picket signs and wrote strongly worded letters) to preserve their right to choose and be independant from the evil men who are the bain of their very lives. They see a guy open a door for a lady or pay for the bill and they say "Why can't WE open doors and pay for bills? We're just as good as they are!" Women like these would argue that shaving your legs makes you more appealing to the beady eyes of men and therefore objectifying yourself.


Noone wants to be seen as a raw piece of meat do they?
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4. To be Amish

Why would anyone want to be Amish you may ask? Well for one, they don't pay social security tax. That means that the clever bastards can sell all the corn and hay they want to eachother and not have to fork over any money to the government! There are also some other advantages of daily living such as:

1. NO gang warfare!
2. NO "out of network" signal!
3. NO spam mail!
4. NO guilt for rolling up their windows on pan handlers!
5. NO running water! .....wait.....

Think of everything you're missing! And once you take the simple step of becoming Amish, there will never be any temptation to shave again! (cause old man Fisher will wrap your knuckles like a catholic nun to a disruptive school boy)

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5. Add spice to your relationship

You complain that you want more communication from him and he complains that he wants to see more of your wild side. Nothing will usher in an exciting night like your boyfriend thinking he's petting your dog, only to find out that it is your knee cap. It will have him asking all sorts of delicous communication filled questions, such as:

"Dude, WTF?"
"Dude, WTH?"
"Dude, WTFH?"
"Dude, WTH is going on?"

Letting the hair run a muck on your legs is a sure fire why to get your relationship up to par and into gear.
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So as you can see, NOT shaving your legs will benifit your safety, abstinance, independence, wallet, and love life.

Thank you.

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